Monday, 13 January 2014

Being perfect.

I am imperfect.

I write that and in my head I think, 'yes I am, but I should be the most perfect imperfect person I know'.

Thats because I just can't let go of being, or at least appearing, perfect. But the thing is that we all have different things that we think we should be perfect at. I am not a person who thinks I need to look perfect all the time. Anyone who knows me will know I go out without make up, I am ok with looking imperfectly me.

My Reading Nook.

But try calling me and asking me if you can pop over for a cuppa after school drop off when the vacuuming hasn't been done for 2 days and the breakfast dishes are still in the sink. I turn into the over achiever from hell.

Our Outside Area.

In 'The Power of Vulnerability', Brene Brown talks about the two distinct reactions people have to anxious situations. You are either an overfunctioner (which is apparently very common for a first child - and even more so for a first daughter) or an underfunctioner. I am obviously a first daughter - lets just put it that way!

So I get the call and I love seeing my friends so of course I say 'sure, I would love to see you'. Then I race around the house, screaming at people to do things 'Big Butterfly - put away the placemats, Little Mudpie - vacuum under the table and in the kitchen (he actually loves this job and would do anything to vacuum at anytime)' etc.

Then I put them on the bus and spend the next 30 minutes redoing what I asked them to do.

Now my Ego is popping up here and asking me to tell you that really the house is always pretty clean anyway. Which it is. My mum would say 'Leanne it is fine, your house is beautiful - stop worrying about it and enjoy your friends', and again she is right, my house would be fine to entertain people in at almost any point in time.

I am real and we get crumbs on the floor. I am real and I have days when I don't want to see people. Just like I am real and I have days where I go to Coles with my hair wet and dripping because we have just gotten back from the beach (which of these am I ok with? Just number 3 - so you know).

Other trigger points for me include getting 'everything' done. Being a 'perfect' mum - which is an oxymoron and many many more. It would be interesting to see what others have as their triggers.

The Family Room.
The reality is - no human is perfect. To be honest I am pretty sure no-one expects me to be anyway. Except me.

So I wonder what would happen if I didn't actually get to clean my house before someone came over. Would they still like me? And if they didn't - would they be worth keeping? If the did still like me - what would they think of me?

I remind myself of the times that I have called in to a friends house and they had crumbs on the floor. Did I care? Not at all. Its ok to show people that you are real and in doing so you are opening yourself up to deeper and more caring relationships than ever before. When you show vulnerability (in whatever form) you are giving that person the chance, not just to hurt you, but to show you how much they care and your connection becomes deeper. And lets face it, thats why we are all here - to connect to people.

My Imperfect Family Room.

I am always going to do my best. Will I stop trying to keep my house neat and clean? No because that is how I like it to be, and I feel I can relax better in my home when it is nice and clean. Am I going to keep over functioning every time someone is coming over, causing more stress for myself and my family? No I am not. I am going to accept that it is ok for people to see that I am real and sometimes there are crumbs on the floor. I am human.

And I (and my house - sometimes) are imperfect.

2 comments:

  1. I love your reading nook, so much nicer than mine :) You have a lovely home. Everything you wrote resonates with me, I am a first born daughter too and I expect myself to be/to do things perfectly and get cross with myself all the time when I don't live up to my expectations. I am really trying to let go of that this year, but my gosh it's hard!
    p.s. your house is much cleaner than mine, and you have more children than me!! Your doing well :)

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  2. Thank you Sharon! You know what - you are doing well too. These photos were taken at the right moment, believe me! Yes it is hard to let go of, but for ours (and our kids) sanity I think its a great thing to attempt.

    Leanne xo

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